Post religious stress disorder

Have you ever heard of anyone trying to disprove the Lord of the Rings? Or Game of Thrones? Aesop's Fables?
I have continued to study the Bible and examine it very carefully, but I have started to ask myself why. I have found numerous contradictions and falsehoods, the worst of which is Matthew 11:25. (Jesus literally thanks God for hiding his message.) So why do I continue down this futile path of studying what I know to be inherently false?
The truth is, I see a lot of others who have transitioned beyond religion that do the same thing.
It has been very difficult to move beyond the religion that I accepted as fact for so long. I'm not even sure I could have comprehended what it's like to not think I have someone in on my every thought. I still see things in an in-between state. I still see both sides of the Christian/non-Christian coin. I can have a conversation with a theist and see how they view things. Maybe it's overactive empathy, but I'm more inclined to think it's the years of thinking that way hanging around in my mind like Matthew McConaughey in Dazed and Confused.
This may be the reason why I have continued to study.
I still need to assure myself of what I know. That the religion I once accepted is false.
Transitioning beyond religion is not just a flip of a switch. It's not an on/off situation, it's a quantum state of being both or neither at the same time. I also think it's something most people will not understand.
In general, I think people prefer to have a stance on one side or another and have trouble being anywhere in the middle because it means they don't fit with either side.
That's where a problem lies for me. In my normal everyday life I don't have to justify where I stand on beliefs, but with my family it won't be that way. In fact, I don't really believe any amount of study on my part will change how they will receive this news. I honestly worry that when I tell them, the news will be met with disappointment. Is it strange that as an adult I still fear disappointing my family?
I think a large part of my studies and even in writing this is exploring my position so when this conversation happens I know where I stand.
I'm losing the drive provided by all this post religious stress disorder though. It gives me hope though, that I won't grow into an old man reading the Odyssey, trying to figure out why I ever really believed it in the first place.

What if the evidence proved I was wrong?

Any time I watch a movie, I'm always thinking about the story of it. I enjoy analyzing the plot and if the movie isn't great, imagine where it could have gone. I recently watched a movie called "I Origins" which honestly was kind of a boring flick with some great story elements to it.
In the movie a scientist works towards ending the argument of how the eye evolved by proving its evolution through guided selection and gene manipulation. The story is told as if he's trying to disprove god, but in the end he finds incredibly, that something miraculous is happening. At one point the main character, who does not believe in god, is asked, if the evidence showed something different, would he change his belief?
I think this is a question everyone should ask themselves, believer and nonbelievers alike. The answer is one which tells whether someone seeks truth, or simply confirmation of what is already believed to be true.
I can say that my position would change if there was evidence for the miraculous considering I once believed whole-heatedly, but have changed my stance based on the evidence.
I have to ask myself: what would this evidence look like?
I can think of a lot of a lot of ways for a deity to reveal themselves to mankind which would be completely obvious. Imagine if a Christian at baptism developed stigmata as a mark from God, or if when Muslims prayed, Allah spoke form the heavens to the world like the prayers they play over the loud speakers at mosques. These would be extraordinary, but maybe it would be better to imagine something more subtle because maybe a deity just doesn't desire to be revealed so obviously.
I would say occurrences which defy the laws of nature would be a good start. If believers of any faith could perform miracles. If new kinds of animals which are different on a molecular level were discovered without an evolutionary branch, as if created.
It's important to realize that we cannot measure what we cannot perceive,  so there may be much more to our universe than we know, realize or even speculate, but it is simply beyond our grasp. There is still so much we don't know about what we can perceive. How could I not be flexible in my position? How can I not realize that 1000 years from now, my way of life will be as primitive to future generations as the vikings are to me now?
Humanity has made a lot of progress scientifically in its existence and I think there is much more to come. I think it is very interesting that as a species we have had many religious answers to how the world works, but now, our best explanations are natural and proven by science. Are there any examples where the explanation was scientific and is now best explained by religion?
A better question may be, if we studied our world without a confirmation bias towards religion, would religion ever be the answer? Would a non-believer study biology and discover God or Allah or any other specific or non-specific deity was the answer without guidance from a religious text?
This is the type of evidence that is needed to change the minds of those, like myself, who would seek the truth.
If I'm honest with myself, I hope for these shreds of evidence to come to light because I want there to be an afterlife. I want some kind of transfer of consciousness which makes me eternal. I fear death, and considering it is the one thing I'm guaranteed, it seems like a very compromising position. I'm forced to hope for more than mortality and in the mean time not let fear overwhelm me. I wonder how many more have felt exactly the way I do? I suppose that's the price of having this secret.
Sometimes it means I'm alone.